Over the last 4 years, I've noticed that my male friends are increasing in numbers and my female friends are dwindling. I've asked all my friends various questions trying to make sense of this and one of them gave me a very blunt yet insightful answer. She said "You're being the male hogging bitch!". You can imagine my total horror... Apparently I'm the kind of girl who makes all the boys my 'friend' and hangs out with them and figures them out. Then I use their weaknesses to bond with them and BOOM they're my "friends with benefits". I thought "friends with benefits" got to have the cake and eat it too as mentioned in the earlier post... Does this mean I AM having the cake and eating it too and I don't even know about it?? That's not possible right? So alright I have the cake, I've got no issues with people going after it. That brings me to the next part of my confusion...
Suddenly, a lot of my sibling's friends, and their brothers seem to have 'discovered' me. All of a sudden this one guy insists on 'getting together' for dinner and "dess-err-t". I kid you not! He actually does the air quotes with his fingers and goes dess--errrr--t! I don't want any dessert with him of any kind, but its been a year of saying NO and he doesn't get it. He says that if I am hesitant because I have a boyfriend, that we can keep it a secret. I don't have a boyfriend currently and I don't want no dessert! Doesn't NO still mean NO these days?
OK. For a minute let us assume that I did go for dess-err-t with him. Do I then keep us a secret and continue in my search for a boyfriend? Do I call him for a booty call when I want to? Do I pretend there is nothing going on between us when we are with common friends? Are we allowed to ditch friends occasionally coz we were 'otherwise occupied'? What happens if the friends find out and more of them want to get on the FWB (friends with benefits) Wagon? How many FWBs can you have? Are FWBs allowed to be jealous about the amount of time you spend with one and not the other? Given the no strings attached nature of FWBs, why then would you look for a boyfriend? Why not just have several FWBs that you can go to according to the mental and physical requirements? The more I write this the more concerned I am that this sounds like some kind of low-esteem pimp house... That is completely off-putting!
Do any of you have any answers and theories on this?? Please untangle these thoughts!
Muddlehead says---
ReplyDeletesigh thats a difficult question to answer... mmm why do we actually need a relationship? does it complete us? if our physical and mental needs are met.. then why do we need it... does the new -age women actually a man in disguise?... honestly, i ve been always man- best friend.. never the girl friend.. its got its benefits as well as problems..
bubblehead.. if you ask me i feel just enjoy the moment... think like a man.. there's nothing to feel guilty .. heck you enjoy he enjoys it.. what the heck...i believe in companionship and marriage but i also believe in the a fact we are humans and we are dynamic beings.. having increasing wants and desires... yet being controlled by the societal or whatever norms and beliefs that manage to curb them...
i believe as long as you can handle its immaterial the number and the kind of FWBs we have..,
for example, here i am laying the table for giving a relationship a chance by starting with FWB but ultimately hoping that itl be forever... but can i do it... that time will tell..
bubblehead... see its simple we are open about our needs and that or whatever outside force takes us on the guilt trip...there's no right answer and no wrong one... do what the heart feels do what seems right.. for ultimately we make the 'right' and we shape the 'wrong'